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motherofnormal in bealivelonger

One Life to Live

Looking back over my life I 'feel' several different lives have been lived, but it has been really only one. How we live all those years behind us becomes how well, or not, we live in the future. It is hard to care about your future well-being when you are young. I know I never thought about what I was doing then having any connection with now. If I did anything healthy it was for my own benefit then--not to benefit in the long term.

The X & Y generation has a good handle on the importance of retirement savings so they will live well in their retirement years. Well, saving health, in my opinion, is as important--if not more, than saving money, for your future well being. I have done neither, and I am in the baby boomer generation. Hopefully, there aren't a whole lot of us out there like me, because the baby boomer generation is the biggest generation and the one that will ultimately cause social security to fail, and give us the largest medical depression in the history of the world. From all accounts we are going to be a force in the economic struggle for the generations behind us.

Maybe I'm a little too late to start thinking about the future, but I don't think so. I am older and wiser now. I can see where I have gone wrong. I am willing to try to get it right with myself, and I hope that I can persuade others to follow that path of thinking. Let's not burden our children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren with the obvious outcome of our self-centered generation.

At several junctions in my life I have been conscious of the need to live better, and understood that being healthy contributed to that in a prominent way. At other times I have thrown caution to the wind and totally abandoned all restraints to what matters in living at the peak of health. Health matters to living well. There is no doubt about it. I have been close to healthy at times, and at those times experienced levels of peace, harmony & vibrant energy to do those things that are enjoyable and give satisfaction and well-being. I remember those times mostly in my upper teens and twenties. I was young, but still aware that health was important. Off and on in my youth I would weave through the trying to get healthy, and throwing caution to the wind. I tried different health fads promoted in the current trend of the day. Since I was young, they really never lasted long because I could not 'feel' any real difference in my health.

One particular year I bought a book about sugar being a deadly substance that would eventually kill you. I went off sugar for a solid year. I wouldn't even buy a product that listed it in the ingredients. It was very difficult to find much on the supermarket shelf without sugar added. I stopped that experiment by buying a bag of peanut M&Ms, and almost ate the whole pound in one muncharama.

The main thing I did to deter health in my twenties was the dieting yo-yo. I would starve myself at times and binge on weekends. I did the eggs/grapefruit diet, weight watchers, eating one meal a day diet, over the counter diet pills, etc. I did keep the weight off because that was essential to getting attention from the male population. I was able to do whatever I wanted without seemingly hurting my health--again I judged that by how I 'felt'.

When I started having children is when I threw out all caution and caring about my figure so much. I gained most of my weight during those years, and continued to spiral up year after year. When I stopped having the babies--I once more began the dieting merry-go-round trying to lose the baby fat--all to no avail. I could lose 20-40 pounds, but needed to lose 60-80 to be at best weight. I couldn't keep it off either--so would give up for a time thinking it was just too hard.

Year after year I gained an average of 10 pounds. I struggled with all the things that go with being overweight. Eating seemed in those years to be the only solace I had. That is the most dangerous reason to over eat, or eat those things that are not good for you. I am sure it is similar to why people get addicted to anything--drugs, alcohol, etc. That peace, harmony & well-being seems to only come through the thing that eventually you get addicted to. Crazy, but true.

All my life struggling with food, weight, & health has brought me to this place: I weigh over 200 pounds at 5'5, I have been diagnosed with diabetes, lost my appendix & gall bladder, had kidney stones laser-blasted, and still have many floating around giving me trouble, and have chronic fatigue so bad that I can hardly walk at times. All of the above and their secondary manifestations rule my unhealthy life.

I have never found the magical key to unlock the door to my greater health. Fad diets, and different advice on getting right with my health come and go in my life. I have read so much, and tried so much and have failed at it all. I know what it takes to eat right, I can't do it for long. I know that I need to exercise, I can't even get started I'm so tired. I do exercise off & on, and when I'm on I feel better, but never enough to continue.

All of this being said, I think I am going to try a different approach. Lately, in this most horrid unhealthy state, I have come to the conclusion that if I continue on this road it will lead to early death.
I am 53 years old now, and slowly dying. I don't think I could live like this for another 10 years (or maybe I would--but wouldn't want to be living in such pain). I now must move from thinking it is a weight problem--to--it is my lifestyle problem. Gaining weight, and not being able to lose it, must be a 'symptom' of a defunct lifestyle, or a much greater problem--stemming from my lifestyle--deeper in my physical system.

I have been studying and preparing to see if PH balance, supplementation (minerals, phytogreens, vitamins), and food combinations will help to get my body back in sync with health.
I no longer think I have to have a model-like body, but I do want to be at my optimal health--even if I am over 50. If the weight comes off slowly that will just be a boon.

Of course, it takes money. I don't have very much of that, but I sure don't want to spend unnecessarily on doctors either. Last year alone I drummed up $15,000 in health related spenditures (Doctor visits, blood tests for the diabetes, x-rays for my gallbladder, and more doctors to read the x-rays, then surgery to remove my gallbladder--because by that time it was acute and very painful--I would have cut it out myself if I could). I was only able to pay for about $4,000 of it out of my pocket. The rest will take me the rest of my life to pay off. This is another reason for my zeal to get things right in my life. I do not have medical insurance, but I don't want the kind of medical insurance that pays for doctors and hospitals where only the symptom is helped. I want the medical insurance of being healthy and living without the symptoms that come from unhealthy living.

Thankfully, I have not had to go into that awful prescription bondage. I am relatively free of major prescriptive health problems right now. Or at least I refuse to find out what I might have that would require prescriptions. The diabetes started out with a prescription, but I was able to study and prepare myself for getting off of it within 6 months of diagnosis. I have kept my sugar level acceptable by diet, and some exercise here and there. This will all change soon if I don't continue the trek to change my lifestyle.

I still have to buy food. I have started trying to buy only organic this year. I have never been organic-minded. I just got this major desire to do that this year and have been pretty religious with it. Another change I have made is drinking lots of water. I am going to have to invest in a filtering system of some kind because I must drink a lot of it, and buying it by the case is getting expensive. I also changed the shower head to a filtered system. It hasn't changed my skin problems yet, but I hold out hope. I have very dry skin, especially on my scalp. The only thing that has ever kept it at bay is the tar shampoos. I can't fathom this is good for my health, but I have tried the tea tree oil shampoos and they just don't phase it.

I did a 3 month cleanse this year. It made me 'feel' very fatigued. I am anxious to see if I will start feeling better now that I am 'cleansed'. I just got off of that regime. I want to continue the intestinal cleanser and probiotics, plus add some supplementation, and ph factors into my organic diet. It remains to be seen if any of this new way of doing things will work. But, I know that what I am eating and doing has to be better than I have ever done in my life. My health cries out for it. I will continue to keep this journal posted on what is happening.

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Baby Fat

September 2007

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